Shortly after my husband and I began dating — the dark ages; no seriously, his phone at the time looked like <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=sony+ericsson+phone+2003&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwi-wuDV8IvfAhUGTN8KHfZUB3wQ_AUIDigB&biw=1440&bih=777#imgrc=mwjJlvSEaUrOUM:">this</a> and I was like whoa, look how fancy you are, dude — we went on a road trip somewhere, stopped at a gas station, and I told him to grab something candy-ish, surprise me. This boy came back to the car with a pack of Rolos, and honestly, it’s amazing we didn’t break up right then and there because Rolos are terrible candy and it’s about time someone said it. [Oh I can hear the reverberations of a thousand unfollows but I will absolutely die on this hill, and remain undeterred.] They’re gooey so they give off the appearance, the suggestion, of being good candy but the goo tastes like nothing. I feel this way about all caramel that appears inside candy bars, which tastes me more like thickened corn syrup than anything <a href="https://smittenkitchen.com/2008/10/paris-a-deep-dark-salted-butter-caramel-sauce/">toasty and nuanced</a>. Plus, they’re inside a milk chocolate shell, so it’s sweet against sweet, no contrast whatsoever, and so help you if you don’t eat them in a single bite, I hope you enjoy having sticky hands for the rest of the drive. I know, I know what you’re thinking: it’s an absolute mystery how I ended up with suck a <a href="https://www.bonappetit.com/story/kale-mushroom-strata-for-kids">picky</a> <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/smitten/44401568600/in/photostream">child</a>.
In my unsolicited opinion, three things could improve Rolos: a real toasty, buttery caramel, the contrast of dark chocolate, and a bit of salt. As good caramel is gooey, we’re not going to fight it, but that’s what plates and forks are for.